Some of the points I made during the discussion are noted here.
Anjali needs to understand few things
- Parents have always been in their social shell. They have lived always in an environment where dowry is accepted. So, no dowry is something which they can't imagine. They have a very high peer pressure also. So, give them some time to come out of it.
- Her parents are still working on 1970's technology in 2008. So, its difficult to adjust to new thoughts.
- After all they are your parents. Their objective is to see you happy. You also wan to be happy. So the destination is the same only only the paths are different. If you understand this, lot of issues/communication gap etc can be solved. The objective then becomes to convenience the parents to choose the path that you want. Most of the cases, it is thought that the destinations are different.
DOs and DON'T
- Be polite when ever you are talking with your parents on any issue. This is where many people go wrong. At the same time be clear and confident in what ever you say.
- Don't force your parents to accept your views. Put your views for their review. Ask them to think over it for some time and let you know. This may not get you any where but at least they will be of the opinion that you are respecting them.
- Make them feel that you are listening to their views also. Get some time to think and negate their views.
- Most of the time these conversation are done on phone. Avoid that. If possible, talk one to one. This is where your character will be tested. Go ahead, and take the challenge.
- After all this, you most probably will have to take a hard stand. Be skillful. Make them aware that they are still working on 1970's technology.
- Catch your close relatives who might be of your opinion and can tell this to your parents. Again don't say bad about your parents to them. Be sure, they are close to your parents than you. So they won't like you making any such comments. Just make them aware of the issue and request them to have a chat with your parents, preferably in your presence.
- If nothing works out, have the guts to take your independent decision, against your parents. For this, you will need to take control of your life and will have to be responsible for what ever happens in your life. If you are self reliable, doing this should not be a big problem. By this I mean, search your own partner and get happily married to him :)